Monday, March 2, 2009

It's been weird lately

It's been a while, but I haven't really been motivated to do much pertaining to writing of late. I tried to once a few weeks back, but opted to save and reread later when I was able to focus better, which worked out well since it was an absolute train wreck of a post starting with real life superheroes and ending with porn ("how can that be bad?" you say).

This times a bit more focused (and much more sober). I lost my job last fall, and have been unemployed since then. I'm hoping to hear back from an interview today, and from everything I have heard from people is that its all good, but I am not hoping to jinx it until I hear officially one way or the other, though with a nor'easter happening, and the majority of the state in a lockdown, I don't know if that will be happening today. In any case, on the verge of having a new job, I've been thinking back over the last several months and its just been so strange. It's been the first time ever since high school that I have not had a job, and I somehow felt overwhelmed by the fact that I had nothing to do. Typically, when I have nothing to do I like to try and do anything, usually involving building or planning something rediculous (say 13 hour engagements or internet decathlons) but this time round, I just couldn't focus. I had an "awesome" idea for the greatest contibution to the scientific community and had even built a team of intrepid and charismatic science enthusists, but it sort of off and died without meaning to.

Now that I am possibly going to be doing something again, I am almost aprehensive to return to the world and contribute something meaningful once again. The funny thing is that it would be in a job that does pretty much the same thing that I was doing before getting laid off. Go figure.

Like I said, its still to early for anything, but we're all hoping here that it'll happen, apprehension or no. actually having an income will be good again, especially since we have a wedding to pay for.


blogzilly said...

I can sense a great deal of hesitation in your words today, it sort of permeates the whole experience. Being unemployed and having the wedding getting closer is clearly taking its toll on the old psyche. But you'll persevere, you always do.

And don't be too self-deprecating about not following through on the Tunnel thing. Shit like this happens all the time and LIFE takes over. Imagine how it feels to start a company, have people show up and then shit the bed like I did? You can dwell on it or keep moving forward, know what I mean?

Stryder Wolfe said...

it's weird when you get a lot of time off, eh? I went through the same sort of thing while I was on benefits last year for my back injury...had all the time in the world, but couldn't seem to make much of it...

Taylor said...

I think it may just be nerves, having to face something new and make something of it. so much easier to sit in the shadows than it is to cast them, you know? I'm more excited at the prospect of new work than hesitation, its just the more obvious emotion taking its toll.

Suzanne said...

Fingers crossed for you. Luke and I were unemployed simultaneously a few years back and neither of us were particularly employable so it was a long, painful stretch. The important thing though is that it does end, and right now there's alot of very competent, skilled, awesome people in the same position and its no reflection on your abilities. the US seems to have it pretty hard right now.

(but Australia seems to be doing okay. Hows about immigrating?)